Mother's Day and Lilacs......

As I sit down to write my next blog, I am overwhelmed with ideas and emotions surrounding our upcoming Mother's Day.  When our mothers were with us, it seemed that they were eternal and would always be here.  As in all relationships, my Mom and I had some difficulties.  We were human and sometimes the dark side in both of us would take away from the beauty between a parent and child. My parents struggled through the Great Depression, WWII, Korea and the 60's.  I mention the 60's because I think our parents tried so very hard to make a life for their children that they never had....They both left home at tender ages of 15 and 16 to head north to make money in factories to send back home to their siblings and parents.  They never had a childhood, but worked so hard to insure we had one.  The 60's destroyed many families due to social changes and the Vietnam War.  Both divided families more than brought them together.  I'm not judging, but just stating that is what happened in our home at different times.  How very hard that must have been for my parents.....

My mother was so brave, and as I enter a new decade in my life and remember, I realize how brave she was.  Mary Louise, was a brilliant woman, beautiful, stay at home, balanced a check book down to the last penny, as there were never many pennies  left at the end of the month with one pay check and 3 children and  survived breast cancer and lung cancer. If born a couple of decades later, with more opportunities available to women, who knows what my mother could have accomplished. She could have become.a doctor, lawyer, teacher, pilot...who knows...but I do know the one thing my Mom was most proud of was being a Mom. Who could ask for more.

 My Pop worked hard to be certain my Mom could stay home.  I remember one time when my Pop  was working the night shift, my Mom  got a job as a waitress in an all night diner and made us kids promise not to tell Pop.  She knew we needed money and wanted to do what she could.  Well, one morning Pop came home early, 5:30 a.m. and Mom wasn't there.  We had to tell him.  Pop got tears in his eyes and left.  Within a half hour, he came in the door with Mom on his arm.. She was exhausted from working all night and Pop said he wouldn't have her doing that, so he began working double shifts to help bring in more money.  That is just the way their generation did things.  They knew how to survive and would take nothing from anyone.  I believe those qualities have  helped me through the most difficult times in my life...and I am eternally grateful to both of them.

I could write a book, but will keep this short, and ask you to take some time this Mother's Day to be with your Mom, or call her , if you are fortunate enough to still have her on earth.  If things aren't right between you, make it right...forgiveness is everything.  If your Mom has journeyed to the other side, take a few quiet moments and think of her...fond, happy memories....and know she will be sitting next to you enjoying  each moment with you....I'm convinced of that.....

Some memories of my mother:

1.Packing our lunches every morning with our initials on them...a bologna sandwich, chips, hostess cupcake and a nickel for milk.

2.Seeing her waiting on the sidewalk as I walked home from school...rain or shine...

3. Chocolate drop cookies...oatmeal with Hershey's chocolate.

4. Helping her hang clothes out on a warm Spring Day.

5. Holding my son while he slept.

6. Kissing a scrape on my knee to make it feel better.

7. The look of fear when I first got behind the wheel of a car.

8. Questioning my first boyfriend before we went to the movies.

9. Cooking pot roast, green beans and mashed potatoes for our weekly Sunday dinner.

10. Watching Perry Mason on our black and white TV.

and how she loved the smell of lilacs...........and so do I...............

"A tear falls from her eyes...
On her well-worn face...
She looks at me to see...
Her life in eternity...."  

 from "Through My Mother's Eyes"- Nancy Northrup

Thank you Mom for giving me life........

From Autumn To Spring...For Isla.....

Her name is Isla.  She is beautiful, like her name.   The derivation of my granddaughter's name is Scottish.  "Isla" is an island off the coast of Scotland, and also two rivers in Scotland.

When I learned I was going to become a grandmother, there was a rebirth of sorts in my heart.  As we parents all experience our children becoming adults, there is a sense of pride for them, but also a hole appears in the heart...a yearning for times gone by.  I wrote a song called "Learning To Say Goodbye", and the refrain is "The swing is empty, the toys put away, maybe for the grand kids some day".......

The first time I saw little Isla, she was but 6 weeks old, and in the crib next to her Mommy.  I didn't know what to expect when I first saw little Isla, but the moment is frozen in time.  My son ,Andy, was standing next to me, the proud Daddy, and Kristi, the proud Mommy, was lying next to the crib while Isla slept.  A dim light in the room shone on her beautiful face.  I listened to her breath, touched her tiny hand and tears flowed down my face. I looked at Andy and Kristi, and saw a glimpse of eternity.  The circle if life was complete for that moment in time.

Little Isla is now 16 months old and I will soon be on a plane to Tennessee to hold her again.  The last time I saw her, she wasn't walking, and now, well let's just say by the videos I have seen, she is walking, dancing and seems to be very musical...which makes this grandma very happy. I am counting the seconds to hold them all again.

I was recently in a book store and randomly picked up a book and turned to a page with a quote that was written by a mother for her child and grandchild....It was no accident I opened to the page with the quote, "when you grew up, it became the Autumn of my life....when you had a child....Spring flowers once again bloomed"....my heart stopped for a moment...I couldn't have said it more profoundly...

If one day Isla reads her grandmother's blog, I hope she knows how loved she is.  Life isn't always going to be easy.  There will be trials , but there will also be joys beyond comprehension.  So to my Isla  " I want you to be strong like your name.  Your soul is like an island paradise....beautiful, self sufficient and a haven from the storms.  Like the rivers in Scotland, let your love and life flow through the currents of life ,knowing that you are a miracle brought to us by God, and loved beyond words. Always keep music and a song in your heart, and I hope you  dance......I love you...."

Grandma Nancy

What I Learned from a game of cards, chess pie and RC Cola

Saturday nights at my Aunt Mae Dell's in Owensboro Kentucky were nights that grounded me in love, long before I realized it......My Aunt Mae Dell was a hard worker..  She was a single woman, with no children, and worked the late night shift as a nurse's assistant for years.  Hard work, long hours, but I never heard her complain.  She always had a smile on her face and whatever she had  would be shared ...with love.

I lived in California with my family.  We were the only part of the Kentucky relatives to move out of Kentucky.  My father was in the military, served in both WWII and Korea, and was stationed at Travis Air Force Base.  We fell into life in California, but my "heart home" was always the south and with my relatives.

My Aunt Mae, Aunt Rachel and Uncle Joe would save all year so I ,and some times my brothers and mother, could come back "home" each summer.  Every summer of my youth, until I was 21, was spent in Kentcuky.  Aunt Mae kept her "summer fund" in her top bureau drawer, and  Aunt Rachel kept hers in a little box in her closet.  They didn't have much, they worked hard and loved me so much, they would sacrifice so I could come back to a simpler life.  My life was changed forever....

Every Saturday night, which was Aunt Mae's only night off during the week, we would congregate around her round oak table in her modest home for a game of "pitch" or "King's Corner" , which were the same game, I think.....Aunt Mae would bake two Chess pies, which if you know anything about southern cooking, it is sweet and sinfully good.  Chess pie is made with eggs, butter, sugar, a teaspoon of vinegar and a pinch of corn meal.  Aunt Rachel and Uncle Joe would bring the RC Cola and cards.  The light over the table was dim, the hum of the window air conditioner was calming and there was laughter.....laughter, simplicity and the unconditional love and joy was contagious.  We all pretended we were in a high stakes game when Aunt Mae would bring her penny collection out and we would bet 5 cents per hand,as if it were a thousand dollars.  There were frequent breaks to consume pie, home made ice cream and RC Cola...

As I remember those cherished moments, tears come to my eyes as I picture the smiles and laughter of a time gone by.  What I would give to hear my aunt in the kitchen as she scraped the pie from the tin, to see my Uncle Joe and Aunt Rachel walk up the steps with the RC Cola and cards in hand.  I can see Uncle Joe take his fedora off and place on the table in the living room, and Aunt Rachel putting  the talcum powder on the cards so they didn't stick....What I would give to be with them again, under the light, playing high stakes penny "pitch" , laughing and dreaming into the wee hours of the morning......

What I learned from those moments is that love does exist in this world, and there are beautiful people who really do have genuine hearts of gold. What I learned is you can take those moments with you in your heart and be grateful, and perhaps bake a pie, get a deck of cards, and invite someone over for a simple game of "pitch" and share the memories, laughter and love that one day they can then share with someone else......What I learned is the most beautiful moments in life cost nothing..........

My Grandmother's Hands

My Grandmother's Hands.......

   My grandmother's name was Lizzie.....Grandma Lizzie  lived in a farmhouse in Kentucky with  no running water, or electricity, she struggled through WWI, The Great Depression, WWII, raised a family of 9 children and she was rich beyond belief....rich in spirit, in soul, in character.  She never complained about the arthritis in her hands or the cancer that was consuming her life.  Music brought her hope and gave her strength.

  As a young 7 year old girl I was drawn to her, not just because she was my grandma, but because I felt she was an earth angel to me in so many ways.  My grandmother would ask me to put her thumbs on middle C of her old upright piano, then her  fingers would dance across the keys playing ragtime, gospel and classical music.  What made this act even more amazing, was that my grandmother was blind , she was missing two fingers and she couldn't read music....it was all by ear.  My grandmother could hear a tune once or twice and sit down at the upright, with the yellowed keys and musty smell, and launch into the most beautiful music I have ever heard.  Each note filled the room, filled her soul, lifted my heart and left me with the most cherished memories of Grandma Lizzie.

Even though my grandmother passed away when I was 8 years old, I feel her with me each and every day.  I can't help but think she is the gentle breeze that gives me inspiration in my songwriting...a blessing I am grateful for each day of my life.I hope you all have your own Grandma Lizzie in your life....that silent voice that whispers to you.....that memory of a time gone by that dances through your heart when you least expect it.....that musical note that brings a tear of to your eye and reassures you, everything will be okay.

Thank you, Grandma, for your ability to see through darkness, for your heart that lives on in a little 7 year old girl ,who  is now a Grandma herself.......I pray there is an upright piano for you in heaven......

Beginnings of a Song...

As I begin to write my first blog, I am approaching it as  new beginning....like the first breath of a song.. the first taste of ice cream in summer...the first snow in winter... The page is blank, awaiting  the thoughts to dance across .......My hope is to bring to you my thoughts on music, musicians, songwriters and  life.

 I will also touch upon  my personal journey, from my cherished memories with  relatives in Kentucky, who greatly influenced my music heart and soul, to where I am today,  finding meaning and direction through music. 

Join me on this journey as I continue to be blessed within the music community by meeting new people, experiencing new venues and gaining new perspectives on life each day.....

Nancy